I have been thinking a lot about gender roles lately...mainly sparked by a few incidents at daycare. & the more I think about it, the more I [Ryan, too] am ok with my boys doing things that aren't necessarily within the gender norms for little boys.
I think it was about 3-4 weeks ago I walked into daycare and found Henry spinning in a circle wearing a hot pink tutu. I instantly got a smile on my face and watched my little boy dance around. I was also happy that his teacher didn't make him take it off just because he is a boy. He watches his little [boy & girl] friends play dress up and he wanted to play too.
Last week his teacher mentioned that when she was putting little piggies in a little girl’s hair, Henry sat down and asked for some. She didn’t give him any at the time because she didn’t know how we would feel about that but she did ask us that evening and we both looked at each other and said sure. There is no harm in a tiny toddler piggy tail.
& last night I went to pick the boys up and I realized that Henry wasn’t wearing the pants that I had sent him in. After a closer look, I noticed some cutie ribbons decorating his new jeans. His teacher said she went to grab his extra clothes [I totally spaced on this one] and when she couldn’t find any, she had to put him in girls jeans since they were the only ones in his size. She did also make a comment that she knew we wouldn’t mind because we are pretty open minded parents. I loved hearing that!! & no we didn’t care one bit that for a few hours he had to wear girls jeans.
Now don’t get me wrong, we aren’t going to go out and buy the boys frilly dresses or hair bows. But if our kids want to play house with a Barbie or have matching piggy tails as their friend, we aren’t going to say no. Perhaps our gender roles decisions stems from how we were raised. I grew up with 2 younger sisters and we were never told we couldn’t do something because girls aren’t supposed to do it. My sister played baseball [not softball], we fished, we took gun safety, we played in dirt & dug up worms…I could go on.
Now I know society is a bit hypocritical when it comes to girls being able to do boyish things but boys shouldn’t do girly things. I have never understood that way of thinking. & I know there are tons of people [probably some of you] who cringe when they hear that a little boy is taking a dance class or playing with baby dolls. & I am by no means saying that our point of view and way of raising our boys without definite gender roles is the correct way, so please don’t take this post as that.
But I would love to know where you stand on the subject…
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Children & Gender Roles
Posted by Jenny at 6:18 AM
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13 comments:
I think about this a lot too. The reverse though, because I have a daughter. I definitley played sports...most were girly sports, like softball, dance, gymnastics. When I was old enough to decide I chose basketball and track. I would love it for my daughter to play a sport I played because I'm selfish and like to watch those sports. However, her dad was a hockey player...up until last year, and I have thought a lot about "what if Liv wants to play hockey?". I would be ok with it. I just want to know I never pushed anything on her. I would like to give her as many opportunities as she can have and then let her make her own decision.
This is a great post. Our little guy (who is your son Henry's age) loves to play "pretend" - mostly with cooking. At the little kids gym I take him to on my days off he always gravitates for the Little Tykes house and the tea set. He will "brew" up some tea in the house then walk around with his pink tea cup sipping on his "hot tea" and even offer it to other kids. I was telling my Mom and she was "Of course that's what he does, he sees you cooking and drinking tea - so that what he wants to do!"
The bottom line is they are kids, adorable kids, who just enjoy life - whether it's "hot tea" and tutus, or footballs and toolbelts. I think, as parents, our job is to let them explore their little worlds in a positive way.
yeah the things you mentioned at daycare wouldn't have bothered me at all. When I buy things for Carson, I just buy what he likes..which is the typical boy stuff. But I have seen him play with a purse at daycare and strollers and babies at Grandma's house and its totally fine. I think its good for them to learn to be loving and gentle with dolls.
I picked my 2 year old up from preschool Friday. he was wearing a pink floor length frilly skirt and he loved it. And I did too.
I am so glad you are bringing this up and so glad you and Ryan are both open to allowing your boys do "girly" things (to which I still have a hard time when parents suggest things are either boy or girl.) I would be just like you. Let the boys and girls for that matter be curious and see what they like. Just because a boy likes to play with a doll or wear piggies (i would love to see a pic of henry wearing these:) or a girl likes to hunt doesnt mean a darn thing. They are just kids; learning. & as parents we need to be there to guide and let them lead a little bit.
Kuddos mama!!
I think it's great that you're open-minded about this topic. I used to work at a preschool and several of the boys would pretend play in the kitchen or house or dress up items and the girls would romp around with the dump trucks in the dirt outside. We never stopped them from doing "gender specific" things. I'm with you...it's not harming anything. They just want to have a little fun! I was a total tomboy growing up and I turned out fine! haha!
I completely agree with you! Jeffrey loves wearing aprons and is always putting his rings (from the ring stacker) on as bracelets and loves wearing his mardi gras beads. Whatever makes him happy! Doesn't bother me!
If a parent would get bad over their son wearing "girly" jeans for a few hours, then I would not be their friend.
I agree with you 100%!!
I plan on getting Lincoln a baby doll when I get pregnant with #2, sorta like what you did with Henry, to get him prepared for a little baby!
You rock Mama!
My father will sometimes make comments around him like, "that's for girls," and it REALLY bothers me!!
I'm totally with you, little ones should be able to do whatever they want to do, and should be given those opportunities as well, regardless of gender. My little guy is 2 1/2 and LOVES playing with tea sets, cooking in the kitchen, pushing doll strollers and feeding little baby dolls. He likes it all even more now that his little sister is playing with them all. And she loves all his trains and cars too, and I love that they're both exposed to a variety of toys.
We used to give my nephew lots of little pigtails (he had quite long hair) and he absolutely loved it.His little brother (who is 3.5 now)loves dressing up,whether it be as Superman,or taking a tablecloth and making himself a dress.He also has an afinity for his mother's jewellery and make up ;)
I think all of that is fine,because they are discovering their personalities,and growing into who they will be one day.I hope when I have a child of my own,that I can be a helpful guide to them,like you,and my brother and sis in law is to their boys.
This is an awesome discussion. My little girl is almost 2, and about as girly as you get. Now that we have a son, we are getting more "boy" toys (cars, race tracks, etc) and she loves them. I can pretty much guarantee at some point our boy will be in tutus, heels, jeweled up, and (like in the hilarious Trident commercial) make-up upped. We are fine with that. They need to have every opportunity to explore the world around them without having to be gender specific. Heck my hubs has put clips, bows and headbands on on several times :)
Great post! I put piggies in C's hair sometimes for fun when we're at home. And he plays with our broom and likes to help daddy vacuum. It's no big deal at all. In fact, Sean and I said that when he's old enough, we're going to enroll him in a toddle gymnastics class and so what if he's the only boy. He loves watching me do cartwheels and rolls around on the floor.
GREAT post, mama. Elliot loves "cooking" and has on two different occasions asked my bestie to put cute clips in his hair when she is doing the hair of both her daughters. The other night he went out to dinner w/ our family and the bestie's family, and the girls gave him his very own baby to bring (as they were each bringing theirs.) he loved it.
he also throws things, loves his "choo-choos" and says "pass! dunk! basket!" while playing bball with Eric.
i'm all about gender neutral parenting as much as possible. we are a very open family, and want our boys to do whatever makes them happy... be it hair clips or basketball or pink tutus, i think exploring is THE most important part of childhood. who are we to decide what kinds of exploration our kids learn from best?
well done, mama.
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